the way things really are

***Warning*** not the most upbeat post. I need to vent. haha :)

I am one of those people who does not do good with stress. Like not at all. Knowing that about myself I do as much as I can to avoid a stressful situation. I am a list maker. I set goals and then list ways that I am going to achieve said goals. I try and keep an open mind that things may not go as planned, but for the most part if I have it in writting I feel like it'll be ok when those little hiccups come along. Well lately I feel like there are no hiccups. It's just one really LOUD loooooong stinky burp.

I could go on and on about all the little details of things I am stressed out about. Like everytime we set a goal for an X amount of money in savings....EVERYTIME we hit the mark, something comes up and down the savings goes.

Our car died.
We had to do some repairs to the house that were unexpected.
Saturday my camera was dropped on the tile and it will NOT even turn on. This is especially stressful to me because I have a photoshoot scheduled everyday from now until Dec 9th. I am sick about the "christmas money" we will now be out as well as feeling horrible about letting my clients down and putting them out.

This all happened within two weeks of each other. I could feel the panic and stress start to creep up. I'm not sleeping well, and super worried about how I am going to get those goals on my list met. It's been a bit overwhelming.

This morning at like 2:30 a.m. when I once again could not sleep. I started my plan B list. When without even meaning to it turned into a growing experience for me. I first listed all the things that went wrong and needed to be fixed. My thinking was I would list those and then on the other side put the solution. What ended up happening (don't know if I was just super tired or if it was just the tender mercy I needed right now) I listed why each of those trials have helped me to grow and trust in my Heavenly Father.

We have not had a car payment in over 8 years. We definately need a bigger car. Kyle is waaay to tall to be sitting in the back seat of the truck. Ryan and I are following the Dave Ramsey financial peace program and know we do not want to have to finance a car. We have been saving to put cash down on a car big enough for all of us to fit in. Having to dump a big chunk of that saving into repairing the car was a big blow. But we felt like we had to do the quick fix so that he can get to work and a bigger car will just have to wait a month or two. The good side of it....We have the money to make the repairs so it didn't hurt our day to day living funds. Ryan is still able to go to work and provide for us, taking extra off duty jobs to help build up the savings that we had to dip into.

The repairs to the house are just annoying....but I will feel much better knowing that everything is in tip top shape for the new owners of our cute little home. Plus, we will enjoy the benefits of having it finally taken care of. Isn't it funny how moving can make you get the things done that you always planned on doing. haha

My camera breaking is still really frusterating/disappointing to me. I am sad I have no birthday pictures from Ryan and I's birthday weekend. BUT....thankfully I took the money from my first photoshoots and got all of our gifts for friends and family purchased. I had all of the kids get there Christmas shopping for each other done and we have presents under the tree. Kind of freaked out about what Santa will bring...but I know it will all work out in the end. My kids really are easy to please and have so much gratitude for everything. They have no idea what was on the list, so I don't think/hope they won't feel too disappointed.

We decided to prepay preschool, dance lessons and sports the beginning of the school year and for that I am truely grateful for. Other wise we would probably have to pull our kids out of stuff.

I am very blessed that we have not had to use any of our living expenses to cover all of the unexpected events and although it is disappointing to not have the extra cash flow where we want....at least we have it. So grateful to Dave Ramsey and the wisdom of his plan. It scares me to think what we would do with out a nice big emeregency fund.

As I looked back at my list I had a overwhelming feeling of peace. I'm still not sure how I will make things work, but I know that it will. I am so blessed to have a hard working husband who never complains and has provided solely for our family all these years. I am glad I get to raise my kids, and that I don't have to work outside the home.

I am blessed and I know that everything will work out...it always does. Even though I wish I didn't have to deal with things not going according to plans, I am glad I have Ryan by my side to keep my laughing and reminding me that he will take care of everything. What a lucky lucky girl I am indeed!